With that said, let me share my own personal monument, the Mt. Rushmore of Clutch Neighbors. The idea is a tribute to all my fellow bloggers, who even though they don't exactly live next door, they still feel very close.
As a (former) young man, there was likely never a better cinematic neighbor than Danielle. First, she's impossibly hot, and definitely Canadian. Two huge wins right there, eh? But truly making her clutch, and cementing her status on the monument, is the fact that she used to be an adult film star. Hopefully, that means she's easy, but even if she isn't, tracking down her, um...work should be.
On paper, maybe the perfect neighbor. First, as anyone who has ever lived in an apartment knows, it's nice to live near quiet people. Driver might actually be mute. So there's that. But even better, is the fact that not only will he help you carry your groceries, he might even fix your car, too. We all need a mechanic friend, right? Of course we do. Oh, wait. He'll also f--king destroy anyone who could potentially harm you or your kid, all while wearing a pretty sweet scorpion jacket.
Living next door to Marty is a bit of a conundrum. You two can go ice skating, which is always a nice time. Splendid, even. She's also witty, super observant, full of very sound advice, and a real old soul. A great conversationalist, too. Easily a woman a guy attending his high school reunion could fall in love with. The rub? Marty's thirteen. Aw, damn. Creeper status notwithstanding, Marty is still a great neighbor.
The only thing better than living next door to an old scary man who kills people with his shovel, is living next door to a not scary old man who saves people with his shovel. The South Bend Shovel Slayer might scare you into shoplifting a toothbrush, but he can also knock a bitch out with his shovel. And, he'll even sit next to you in church. This guy, more than any other neighbor I can think of, comes up huge.
Or, in a word, clutch.
Thanks for reading (and/or participating) and make sure to come back on Friday to see everyone else's Mt. Rushmore of Movies. Most are crazy good. Others? Just crazy. But the good kind of crazy.