I bought a ticket for the wrong movie...
Brought my wife along the way...
And I sure do wish we'd seen something else,
'Cause Mad Max was in theaters that day.
When I'm wrong...
When I'm wrong...
You're gonna know that I was wrong.
Even though I loved the first,
the plot was just the worst.
Oh, you're gonna know that I was wrong.
*clears throat*
I had a chance you guys, I did. But I totally blew it. The wife and I went to the movies last Saturday evening (that alone is cause for celebration because as parents, we've essentially become reverse vampires) and I steered us headlong into Pitch Perfect 2 instead of, well..."THE BEST ACTION MOVIE EVER!"
Under the terms of 'you decide - you know more about them' I dialed up angelic voices instead of flaming guitars, figuring the missus would prefer the former. A selfless act is there ever was one, right? Obviously. However, in full disclosure, as the chief owner and operator of a penis, it's not like I dragged myself to something starring Anna Kendrick or anything. I mean...she's just...wow.
Which oddly enough, brings me to complaint #1 about Pitch Perfect #2. Forget that it's a less-amusing rehash of the first one, that's par for the course, but at least the original [review] dished up generous portions of Ms. Kendrick. Here? Crumbs. Tasty, tasty crumbs...
After an unfortunate vagina-related mishap, the Barden Bellas have hit rock bottom. In something reminiscent of a DTV Revenge of the Nerds sequel, the Bellas will not lose their title if they can - get this - win the World Championships of organized nerd singing. Cue the pembinaan montage!
Look, I wasn't expecting something super original from the second Pitch Perfect movie, but this one is about as formulaic as they come. A moderate obstacle will be presented, quickly overcome and Fat Amy will say something snarky mostly under her breath. After her, Tormented Immigrant Girl will say something about her horrible past, just before Quiet Asian Chick mutters something mostly inaudible. All the while, Anna Kendrick's Beca will be torn between the Bellas and her burgeoning dreams of working in the music industry. To the film's credit, the music and performances are as crowd-pleasing as the first go-round, it's just that every time I laughed at Rebel Wilson's Fat Amy shtick (which admittedly, was often), part of my soul realized...that's not Charlize Theron up there.
Also not Charlize Theron are the Yays and Boos. Not blonde, not incredibly talented, and not currently dating Spicoli, these two have nothing in common with the statuesque ex-model. Well, outside of a brief hook up with the guy from Third Eye Blind, anyway.
Yaaaaaaaaay!
- Oh, Peg Bundy. Iiiiiiii, ya-yi, will always...love you.
- KEY! Initially I was concerned, but dude carved out a nice character, playing Beca's boss at the studio.
- Yes, it was in the preview, but the whole heated mess thing still made me laugh.
- Many of Fat Amy's lines made me laugh out loud, but my personal favorite damn near killed me: Don't take this personally, but you're the dumbest person alive. Oh, and her Wiggles reference was f--king hysterical, too.
- Not to mention her kayak-fueled serenade. My God that cracked me up.
- The ropes course thing was kind of silly, but anytime someone can drop the term Asian Jesus, you have my undying allegiance.
- Cups, or whatever the Hell it's called, makes another (somewhat?) welcome appearance.
- That finish line move? That may have been the coolest thing I have ever seen.
- And finally, in a ridiculous turn of events (as far as recent history has told us), this movie features yet another obligatory random scene with David Cross...and it's the best moment in the entire film. Honestly, so much awesome happens here, it might be worth it just for these five minutes alone. I've never cheered for the Green Bay Packers...but I did here.
 |
| I have that same shirt. Except mine has less muscles on it. |
Boooooooo!
- The new additions to the Bellas are kind of weak.
- Immigrant Girl? It was funny the first thirty times.
- And the pretty and talented Hailee Steinfeld? She might have a set a world-record for unfunny awkwardness. (narrowly besting this blog)
- Speaking of awful records, we're reaching Michael Bay levels of product placement here. Okay, not really...but it's still too much.
- That early pool party scene: 100% unnecessary. Nothing happens here. Nothing.
- I don't know her name, but when I talk to other men about the original, she's known as the big-breasted one. Anyway, she's back. Barely.
- The lovely Brittany Snow has to play the bitch role, sort of, and it's kind of a bummer.
- Once again...not a single minute in a classroom. Not. One.
- Other than Fat Amy's thing, all the romantic subplots are stupid or non-existent. Lame.
- And finally, the running gag between Beca and the German team was painfully unfunny. I might have laughed once, but I was just trying to be polite.
Hopefully my wife appreciates all the mental anguish I've been suffering through, as more and more people approach me with different versions of Mad Max was so good, right? Maybe she should sing to me this time, huh?
I'll go get the cups.