I know everybody says it about their own, but he's funny. Really, really funny. But more importantly, his manners are excellent. And he's really considerate of other people's feelings, too. Oh, and if you listen to him carefully, he's a very sweet young man.
But my son? He is awful at watching movies. Especially if you're sitting next to him.
Standing at the Redbox machine with Matty, I half-heartedly suggested to my five year-old that we rent Disney's Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. And in that flippant/hysterical way that only little kids can get away with, he looked at me like, I guess, moments before hitting me with, We already read the book in school.
While the poster will likely terrify/infuriate three-quarters of you, at least it's honest. For 81 minutes, you and yours are going to be treated to one 'hilarious' calamity after another. And outside of a few boob and penis-related remarks (though the penis joke cracked me up), it's all pretty kid (and adult) friendly.
Young Alexander (a lispy, yet charming Ed Oxenbould) has had a really awful day-before-his-birthday. He finds out no one will be coming to his lame party, gets denied in social studies class for a sweet project, and then proceeds to nearly burn down his chemistry class, narrowly avoiding setting his dream woman ablaze. Rough one, huh? Well, there's only one thing to do, right? Yep. You guessed it: wish it all away.
While I went with Home Alone ('cause, well, I always do), my wife said it's more like Freaky Friday (girl movie...never seen it). Either way, Alexander is that flick where a kid unwittingly ruins the lives of everyone around them, only to regret it later on.
As things have routinely come up roses for everyone in his family, Alexander always ended up with the um, poopy end of the stick. That fateful night, he says something to the effect of, once - just once! I wish they could all have a bad day to see what it's like! I'll let you guess what happens that following morning. Here's a hint: it's pretty terrible. Horrible, even. And good? No.
As things have routinely come up roses for everyone in his family, Alexander always ended up with the um, poopy end of the stick. That fateful night, he says something to the effect of, once - just once! I wish they could all have a bad day to see what it's like! I'll let you guess what happens that following morning. Here's a hint: it's pretty terrible. Horrible, even. And good? No.
Speaking of very bad, here are the Yays and Boos. Even though we all know they're completely irrelevant on a normal movie, when it comes to a family flick that the entire clan moderately enjoyed? Yikes.
Yaaaaaaay!
- This would be the first of two Steve Carell features of the day. I liked him here. He he made frittatas. Not man-love to a wrestler.
- 4 Non Non Blondes? Yes, please.
- I've seen every penis in this car.
- Even though she will NEVER hold a candle to James Avery in License to Drive, I did appreciate that Stiffler's mom shows up as a driving instructor. Her little cell-phone trick was pretty funny.
- It seems like Jerry's joke, but Carell in a pirate blouse certainly has its charms. It's altogether flaming, to say the least. I still have me arms!
- There's a scene where it's all kind of falling apart and for whatever reason, there is an plethora of old-school aluminum garbage cans nearby. No, really. There's like ten of them. Everybody gets to kick one. Some get two.
- And finally, the family. Yes, they are a mess of cliched goofballs, but they rally together in a very charming fashion. A quick bro-nod to the big brother, not only for dumping that skanky prom date, but for doing it in the Harry Dunne powdered blue, no less. Well done, young man. (Oh, and his celebratory banner slap almost made me pee my pants)
Boooooo!
- This is the rare double-Boo. First, poor Alexander, after his awful day, is the last person to be picked up at school. Second, this movie, for ripping open that wound and reminding me of how many times I was that kid. I swear my mom hated me. And if I dared be upset that she was an hour late? She'd lay into me!
- Okay, I'm back. That was a good cry - good cry. Anywho, what was up with Mommy and me Yoga? Doubt that was in the book, huh?
- As for the awful events that everyone endures, here are the Boo worthy:
- getting walked in on by your mother...when you're a anabawang in high school.
- toddler peeing on the floor...when you're the father of that toddler.
- Chickenpox in the buttcrack. Not cool. My worst one was at least two feet north of that. Thank God.
- Celia. Okay, young lady. You might be passably attractive and all, but girl, you're going to have to be waaaay hotter if any guy is going to put up with that level of awful.
- And finally, the kangaroo. I was pretty much on board with all the ridiculousness (even the typo in her book...ugh), but once we trot out Kangaroo Jack, I had just about had it with Family Movie Time. Good thing they saved that mess till the very end.
Eighty-one minutes later, after one Is it almost over? from my son, and 162 instances of Stop touching your feet from me (with about 99 The screen's that way [as he just stared at my face]), I turned to him and said, Well? His eyes lit up. I really liked it, Dad. Of course he did. Being that I'm an English teacher (a bad one, but still), I had to press him a little bit more. Compared to the book?
The movie was better.
Of course he'd say that.