My mom was pregnant with me when she saw Alien. I imagine at some point she wondered if the being inside of her was going to burst out of her stomach and start attacking everyone's face. Fortunately, no. Well, not quite. I destroy humanity by pointless rambling and typos. Anyway, last night, in the midst of a minor storm in South Carolina, my older brother and I tried to coax our mother to go to the movies with us to see the origin story of those famous creatures. Despite raising four boys (and a girl) my mom replied, I don't like monsters.
Ah, Prometheus. I wanted to love you so much. I wanted you to be the best thing ever. I wouldn't classify my feelings as disappointment, no, just not what I'd hoped for. Probably the way my mom would describe most of her kids, oddly enough.
I had avoided reviews (and essentially, the internet) the way a biologist avoids slippery, white alien beings. Wait, like he should have avoided them, for the week leading up to the release of Ridley Scott's latest. The ultra-effective previews were the main culprit, as you couldn't turn on the television without seeing one of the kickass trailers.
Real quick. My excitement did get kicked in the nuts when Coors Light and the NBA Playoffs (on ESPN) were being tied into Prometheus. Apparently, nothing says outer space alien origin story like Lebron James and beer that tells you when its cold. Although overrated and nonsensical do sort of correlate.
Look, I liked this movie. It's beautiful, it's creepy and the 3D was pretty kickass (my brother had to see it that way), I just didn't love it the way I thought I would. What I did love, without reservations, was the cast. Everybody delivers, but this is undoubtedly Michael Fassbender's show. I grew up thinking Lance Henriksen's Bishop character in Aliens was the coolest droid ever, but not by a long shot. Sure the knife between the fingers thing was badass (and replicated with a friend and a pencil numerous times), but how about riding a bike and nailing a hookshot? Huh? Piss off, Bicentennial Man. Or, or knowing every language ever (suck on that, C-3PO)? Let's not even get into the fiendish trickery David's up to, either. He's like a tangible/dreamier HAL-9000. Let's just say he's not the best, um, son either. He may not know true emotions or need to breathe oxygen, but dude's got shit-eating grin down pat. Damn, this guy sounds like family. Mom, quick question...did you ever give birth to an android in the future? Mom? M-ooo--om!
Let's break this one down in a popular style around these parts, the ol' I-think-I-have-more-questions-than-answers style, shall we? I'm proud to announce that the Yays and Boos are brought to you today by the generous folks at the Weyland Corporation. Nothing sinister about that...
BY THE WAY: What the Hell was up with The Life of Pi? That was a lot of fish-slapping weirdness.
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| If only the poster could make that screaming/siren sound from the trailers. |
I had avoided reviews (and essentially, the internet) the way a biologist avoids slippery, white alien beings. Wait, like he should have avoided them, for the week leading up to the release of Ridley Scott's latest. The ultra-effective previews were the main culprit, as you couldn't turn on the television without seeing one of the kickass trailers.
Real quick. My excitement did get kicked in the nuts when Coors Light and the NBA Playoffs (on ESPN) were being tied into Prometheus. Apparently, nothing says outer space alien origin story like Lebron James and beer that tells you when its cold. Although overrated and nonsensical do sort of correlate.
Look, I liked this movie. It's beautiful, it's creepy and the 3D was pretty kickass (my brother had to see it that way), I just didn't love it the way I thought I would. What I did love, without reservations, was the cast. Everybody delivers, but this is undoubtedly Michael Fassbender's show. I grew up thinking Lance Henriksen's Bishop character in Aliens was the coolest droid ever, but not by a long shot. Sure the knife between the fingers thing was badass (and replicated with a friend and a pencil numerous times), but how about riding a bike and nailing a hookshot? Huh? Piss off, Bicentennial Man. Or, or knowing every language ever (suck on that, C-3PO)? Let's not even get into the fiendish trickery David's up to, either. He's like a tangible/dreamier HAL-9000. Let's just say he's not the best, um, son either. He may not know true emotions or need to breathe oxygen, but dude's got shit-eating grin down pat. Damn, this guy sounds like family. Mom, quick question...did you ever give birth to an android in the future? Mom? M-ooo--om!
Let's break this one down in a popular style around these parts, the ol' I-think-I-have-more-questions-than-answers style, shall we? I'm proud to announce that the Yays and Boos are brought to you today by the generous folks at the Weyland Corporation. Nothing sinister about that...
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| If you go down there, you're going to die. |
Yaaaaaaay!
- The Engineers are some pretty badass dudes.
- Why don't more movies use flamethrowers?
- I have been in a room where a baby was delivered. Prometheus recreates the terror of this event almost perfectly. (Best scene of the movie? Anyone?)
- When the alien/monster things show up, it's incredible. I especially enjoyed the it's breaking my arm part. The wuss next to me almost did a backflip he was so scared.
- I love a good quirky crew. Always have. Big ups to Scottish Douche and Cool-Haired Asian Guy. Oh, and Gun Guy. Even if he only gets one line.
- The captain of the ship was a true badass. Potentially even a BAMF of the month. M. Hufstader! Hook that up, please.
- The end. That's what I was waiting for. It didn't make sense, but I loved it.
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| Droids are just like people. Only sexier. |
Booooo!
- Okay, I love Guy Pearce. I do. But, really? I mean, I'm pretty sure actual old people exist. Pretty sure some of them are actors, too.
- And speaking of Mr. Weyland, he's basically a mash-up of Montgomery Burns and Dr. Evil. Seriously, his outfit screamed sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads.
- The captain sings a line from an old song. Old for us. For him, that shit's ancient.
- The crew is searching for the origin of mankind. Guess what I was searching for? ACTION. I would have sat there for another twenty more minutes if some of the ass-kicking had been extended. I know that sometimes less is more, but I really, really wanted more. Lots more.
- Ridley Scott has already discussed the director's cut. If Blade Runner had five cuts, what are we going to get here, nine? I already have a favorite cut. It's the one that I understand.
BY THE WAY: What the Hell was up with The Life of Pi? That was a lot of fish-slapping weirdness.