I was 12 years old in the summer of 1992. I remember being consumed with one idea: The Dream Team. All of my favorite basketball players were coming together to form the most legendary team ever assembled. They were going to crush the competition. They all had had separate moments of glory, and there was talk that there were too many egos to pull it off. Somehow, it worked, and I reveled in the excitement and drama of seeing these legends on the court at the same time. Twenty years later, it happened again.
 |
| Doc... I think now is the perfect time for you to get angry. |
The Avengers is probably the closest thing comic book fans will get to utter cinematic perfection. I don't think the movie is flawless, however, but the fact that it
actually happened and is damn near excellent is truly remarkable. The last half an hour of this film is an orgy of super jagoan mayhem. This would have been a page turner on paper, but put to film? Insanity.
Before I ramble on about the awesomeness, I just want to mention my only real persoalan with the flick: the beginning. I legitimately enjoy all the actors and in theory could listen to them talk about
whatever for hours. This theory seemed to actually be tested as this movie seems to have a rather slow buildup to the chaotic climax. It was not a dealbreaker by any means, but I found myself growing impatient waiting for the ass-kicking to begin. Yes, there are some minor skirmishes sprinkled here and there, but none long enough to satiate my bloodlust.
Sorry, but I had to. Let me get right to the breakdown. Here are the
Yays and
Boos,
Larry-Bird-is-pretty-much-Captain-America style. Oh, and watch out for some spoilage.
 |
| I wish she'd give me some cognitive recalibration. |
Yaaaaaaaaaay!
- The implosion at HQ was pretty impressive. Though Loki riding in the back of the truck like every fat guy in Hawai'i wasn't.
- Black Widow? Oh, my. Even in ultra tight clothes, the jiggle-factor is strong in this one. And, she's a biter. Rowr.
- Speaking of Ms. Romanoff, note to self. Don't spook her. Ever. Especially in 3D.
- Flying aircraft carrier!
- I like the Bad Guy version of the um, remote retinal scanner. Messy, but effective. Bluetooth?
- The scene where everybody kneels before Loki was the highlight of the 3D. Even bullshit-I'm-kneeling Old Man looked better.
- The one liners! Highlight's include:
- Security breach - it's on you.
- There's only one God, ma'am. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't dress like that.
- Doth mother know you weareth her drapes? And the mere mention of Legolas.
 |
| This is the only time you should stay in a burning plane. |
- He's adopted. That's right up there with, I need a horse.
- Pretty much everything having to do with the Hulk. Such as...
- Hulk getting hit in the face with a hammer (in slow motion, no less)
- Hulk's way of messing with the Norse god of thunder.
- Don't try to eject on Hulk. He ain't having it.
- Hulk and Loki. This has to be one of the top 20 moments in any movie ever.
- And of course, the unbelievable simpulan fight. It's so good.
- Oh, and the final, simpulan scene. Classic. Thanks for the heads up, Sis.
 |
| They're actually looking at the box office returns. |
Booooo!
- As I said, a little too much talky-talky.
- The 3D is remarkably suck-tastic.
- Okay, nitpicking, but was it really necessary for Tony Stark to spend a bajillion dollars so that he could walk into his living room while his armor was being taken off by a the most sophisticated machine ever?
- The most destructive arrows ever made! One basically brings down twenty five percent of the aircraft carrier. The other is shot into a plug and shuts down the Matrix. Obviously, I have a persoalan with fancy gadgetry. In a comic book movie, no less.
- And a big boo to the people who bought tickets before me. Not only did you make me miss a preview, but you spent $35 on tickets and another $37 on snacks. I spent nothing. And got popcorn.
Much like that vaunted hoop team twenty years ago,
The Avengers is impossibly good. Whether it's the gold-medal winner this summer, that remains to be seen. My podium prediction?
GOLD:
Prometheus.
SILVER:
The Dark Knight Rises BRONZE:
The Avengers. Your thoughts?
