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Best this month
Can You Stop Touching Me Now?
I feel like I've been down this road before, but since this is a site about movies, it kind of goes with the territory. At this rate, y...
When Something Terrible Happens, What Does He Do? Fends For Himself, He Does.
I don't care what country you're from, in the streets, you gotta be careful, you know? All kinds of bad things can happen out there...
I Ought To Be God To You.
I almost died. Among all the stupid things people say, this one has always rubbed me the wrong way. I know it's an expression, and...
If Only You'd Been A Little Faster.
No thanks, I'm good. That's what I would say, whenever anybody offered me a ride. There I was, trudging home in the blazing Hawai...
I'm Sorry I Was Late. I Was Busy Making A Living.
This is going to sound really (really) stupid, but I'm not sure whether or not my parents are divorced. In fact, I'm not even sure ...
That Kind Of Pressure's Not Helpful.
Although it pains me to admit it, I've probably ordered a half-dozen items from QVC in the thirty-seven years I've wandered this pl...
Call 911. We Got A Problem.
In my list of awful jobs, one of the worst had to be the few months I spent working in a call center. Imagine you worked in some office, an...
Tip Of The Spear. Edge Of The Knife.
Goose probably wouldn't have died. Jerry might not have wrote that memo, er, mission statement. Vincent waits for the next cab. Oh, ...
I Can't Believe I Fell For Muppet Man!
Some characters from our childhoods deserve to fade into obscurity. Heathcliff , the Gummi Bears and Richie Rich are three that were eithe...
Slam Your Doors In Golden Silence!
Well, I decided to end the year with quite possibly the most baffling movie I've ever seen, 1967's Play Time . I do consider myself...
Best this week
I Ought To Be God To You.
I almost died. Among all the stupid things people say, this one has always rubbed me the wrong way. I know it's an expression, and...
I Can't Believe I Fell For Muppet Man!
Some characters from our childhoods deserve to fade into obscurity. Heathcliff , the Gummi Bears and Richie Rich are three that were eithe...
I Told You, My Man Brad Just Crushes Ass.
Mike Judge gets a pass. No matter what. Not even counting his legendary television work, the man behind Office Space gets the benefit of th...
I Actually Kind Of Like That.
Remember when Chris Webber called a timeout he didn't have against North Carolina (and narrowly missed traveling before that...)? Or wh...
You're All Barely-Functioning, Self-Absorbed Weirdos.
A couple weeks back, my good friend Dunphy finally got married to his long-time girlfriend, Julie. And while it looks to be one of the la...
If I See You Anywhere Near Hell, I'll Kick Your Ass Out.
Lately people have been getting irritated at the number or remakes and reboots. It seems like we're at a point where studios are trying ...
No Man Can Walk Out Of His Own Story.
Every chance I get, I use self-checkout at the grocery store. It's usually much faster. Removing people from the equation makes the exp...
Yeah, That's My Bicep.
Near my friend's house, there used to be this one-off video store, totally unaffiliated with any reputable chain. And while most of the...
I Can't Believe We Survived That.
Look, it was a bad game. Let's be honest with ourselves. The graphics weren't even that good (for the era), and any time a neon ...